We need those Scams!

If you pick up any newspaper or tune into any decent news channel (the seemingly indecent ones for that matter also present scandals of a different nature), you would be barraged with news about scams. The amount of deceit and fraud that we are capable of is not astounding. There are instances in our religious and mythological texts which portray heroes engaging in trickery and deception for the triumph of good over evil. And I’m talking not only of the picaresque works. Although nowadays the ultimate goal of such deeds has changed, the guile with which they are accomplished remains the same. Whether it is the CWG fiasco, Chief Ministers playing God in their states or central ministers buffing up their wallets, the astuteness displayed by them is just short of exemplary. “Just short” because they got caught! But that means naught in India – chances are slim that they would be punished severely and even if they are, it will only add to their political credentials.

Now, we may raise a lot of brouhaha over them, call for justice to be done or shout our larynxes out to anyone who’s unkind enough not to lend an ear; the fact remains that we need these scams.

Here’s why.

Firstly, because they are great motivating agents. Why else will a poor officer, sitting in a tin-shack under the scorching sun with no air-conditioning work, on the road project he is to complete? Why would a lowly peon take your papers to the concerned babu? Who would build large stadiums and housing complexes within time at rock-bottom prices? We all need that modicum of incentive to do our jobs! So why shouldn’t a minister or bureaucrat expect the same. After all, they do offer premium services.

Secondly, because the media covets them. I mean it’s not every day that a popular head of state visits or our sportspersons win a host of medals or two enthralling dance numbers engage the nation in a popularity contest! So what do those news-starved media persons do when their superiors breathe down their necks? They rely on the old-faithful - scams. It’s either that or they manufacture news-worthy stories which, I don’t think anybody wants. What began as reporting atrocities of the erstwhile British Raj, has metamorphosed into scandalous revelations about modern day Rajas (no pun intended). The industry employs nearly (number of people) – where would all these folks go if we stop having scams. The netas know this when they say they will generate employment opportunities.

Thirdly, because watchdog agencies thrive upon them. The scams justify their institution ­­and validate their existence, wherein lies the paradox: if there are no scams, what will these agencies whose ultimate aim is to cleanse the system do? The C.A.G would then stand for Corpulent Ass-Grabbers, the CVC for Committee of Vigilante Corruption and ED for Executive Dick.

Fourthly, because they’re a matter of national pride. According to the Bribe Payer’s Index (yes, such a listing does exist!), Indians are most likely to give a bribe to comply with demands of corrupt business practises. We have got to compete with the likes of Morocco, Albania and Lesotho in terms of who has the most amount of public money diverted to private funds. We just have to live up to our rich corrupt heritage and continue the legacy. Those nansy-pansy small time crooks can’t beat us at our own game!

Lastly, because the scams need us too! There is so much money flowing around in the markets (white, black and grey) that someone is needed to look after it. The United States of America being a capitalist state has left it to the Madoffs and Frankels. India being a mixed economy allows for a Public-Private Partnership; where, as with most enterprises, the Government has the lion’s share. Money is taken from the common man, who obviously is left with too much after paying taxes and repaying loans, invested in companies and funds which provide employment to masses enabling them to earn more money and thus ask for more loans.

It’s win-win-win situation. The government is happy with all the development, the graciously corrupt officials are happy as they are providing a service to the society while getting rich and the common man is happy because of the seemingly increased spending power. Only a fool would not want a scam in these circumstances!

To sign-off, be corrupt and let others be corrupt. Make yourself worthy of your country!

Note: Abbreviations courtesy S.V.

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Disclaimer to the above “Disclaimer”: The above disclaimer has been put up by my own free will and no individual or individuals there-of have coerced me into doing so.