POST Zero

To all those wondering why "0"                                             ‎

a.      I can delete this post if it sucks.

b.      It seeks attention.

c.      It's befitting since India supposedly gave the world the concept.

 The first month of the first job. After having braved the horrendous Mumbai traffic for fifteen days, I was granted the comfort of the comparatively smoother one of New Delhi. There were six of us, sent to the Capital for "on the field" induction into the company's culture and inducted we were! Courtesy Mr. D­-, who bears a striking resemblance to the laughing Buddha: a glabrous dome, generous paunch and a look of immense satisfaction on his visage. Being the safety officer, he sends us to inspect the facility for fire protection devices along with one of his lackeys. When we return after spending 2 hours doing so in the sweltering Delhi heat, Mr D- says, between mouthfuls of pakodas and sips of his chai*, "Arre! Itni jaldi kaise aa gaye?" One of my colleagues bravely ventures a reply: "We have seen all the measures thoroughly." This seems to intrigue Mr D-, as he wipes his hand on a paper napkin and with a wry smile asks some extraordinarily weird but apparently relevant question which I still don’t know the answer to. Nervous and clueless as to what our next step should be, we remain silent as misfortune struck. Not on us though, but the “lackey” who was supposed to show us around. We hastily escape his office to the safety of the canteen which was to be one of our safe-houses for the remainder of the tour, the other being the conference room*.

A few days later, while we’re reporting to our in-charge, Mr D- comes around and starts illustrating about a certain protection device introduced during the FIFA World Cup in South Africa that supposedly clutches the causative instrument and renders it “inadequate”. We are in a fix: whether to laugh and be labelled as lewd youngsters or keep straight faces and make Mr D- think he’s not funny. At that moment we learn one of the most important rules* for surviving in such a firm: The boss is always right. So we duplicate the expression of our in-charge and make a mental note to always abide by that rule.

P.S.:

1.      It is always “chai”, not the British rip-off “tea” which according to Merriam-Webster is also slang for marijuana these days.

2.      The conference room hosted some of the best pen-fight matches the world has never seen, although I’m told a video has found its way on to Facebook.

3.      There’s also a second rule which states: When in doubt, refer the first rule.