Myths, Morals & more…

In the office, bosses are equivalent to Gods (and in some cases the Devil!). We pray for their support and hope we don’t have to face their wrath. They are invisible yet omniscient. And there is nothing like a tour with your boss to break the ice and glean into his “mortal” persona. Probably because more alcohol is consumed on such excursions than water. Where I work, it’s imperative that you drink. This was made clear in my first office party – drink or perish. Survival of the alcoholic.

While touring the Maharashtrian hinterland with four colleagues whose combined work experience is more than 150 years, I got to hear a myriad of anecdotes ranging from wildlife to politics to farcical mythology. These are some of the more fascinating ones which flowed after they were sufficiently drunk and the morals that I assumed they meant to convey…

 Shiva, the Destroyer was bored when his consort Parvati was visiting her parents. He only had Nandi the bull to keep him company. After dancing around Mount Kailash for a few days, they made a pact to satisfy each other’s needs. Shiva, being the God went first. When

Nandi’s turn came, Shiva got so scared that he fled and went into an enclosure whose entrance wasn’t big enough for the bull to pass through. To this day, statues of Nandi are depicted sitting outside the temple, facing the idol and patiently waiting for him to come out and finally get his due.

Moral: Never screw a bull. \m/

One fine day Indra, God of War, Storms, and Rainfall; decided to test the villagers’ devotion and make himself feel important (I wonder why as he was God of sooooooooo many things!!!). So he called all the clouds and instructed them not to burst. One of them was a little hard of hearing and did. This made Indra very angry. He called the culprit and thunderously asked him why he had disobeyed express instructions. To this the cloud replied that he hadn’t heard clearly the first time and even if he did go against Indra’s wishes; his actions had only furthered the god’s intentions. The village where it had rained had sown all its seeds in the hopes of more rainfall thereby exhausting its existing stock with no foreseeable returns.

Moral: Always keep reserve stock in case of force majeure conditions.

Upon hearing Indra’s decision, Shiva also decided to stop playing his conch which apparently brought fertility to the lands surrounding Mt. Kailash. All the farmers but one migrated to lands under the jurisdiction of more benevolent Gods (thank God for polytheism!). When his curiosity got the better of him, Shiva decided to ask the remaining farmer why he had stayed back. The farmer replied that he still kept tilling the soil and sowing the seeds because he did not want to forget his métier once the fertility of the soil was restored. Realising that he had not played his conch in years, Shiva immediately started blowing out the dulcet tones to the delight of the farmer.

Moral: Keep in practice what you are good at.

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P.S.: For those who don’t know and/or are confused (like I was):

Bull: an adult un-castrated male domestic bovine
Cow:  the mature female of cattle
Ox: an adult castrated male domestic bovine
Bovine:  any of a subfamily (Bovinae) of bovids including oxen, bison, buffalo, and their close relatives
Bovids:  any of a family (Bovidae) of ruminants that have hollow un-branched permanently attached horns present in usually both sexes and that include antelopes, oxen, sheep, and goats

The Sky Blue Half-Sweater

Apologies for the hiatus. I couldn’t get down to writing for the blog due to the visit of some pretty important people and another writing assignment (which would be published here if not appreciated elsewhere). But the twenty-tenner deserved a last post – so here goes nothing.
The period leading up to the New Year (I have no idea why it’s always CAPITALISED) is supposed to be a time of finding new resolutions to break, but it is also a time to reflect on the year that was. This was a year with a lot of firsts – first degree, first job, first blog, first flat and first time I consciously made efforts to keep in contacts with my friends.
While doing the new, I realised that when one is in an environment for a considerable amount of time and then does something for the first time – the responses from friends, colleagues and acquaintances are as varied and off the mark as could be. So, the first time I wore a sky blue half sweater to work I drew the following responses:
EJ : You look warmer (read hotter! :P)
Colleague1 : I was also thinking of bringing the woollens out.
Colleague2 : Is it really that cold?
Pseudo Boss (also wearing a half sweater) : What’s your excuse?
Boss :  Are you feeling alright?
Me : I hope this sweater hides my newly engorged belly.
Note: The section below is fathomable to only those with whom I have spent the better part of the last four years.
Other possible responses had they been present –
Bhuvi : What is that thing you’re wearing called?
TVS : Batman doesn’t wear sweaters. He has a cape!!
B****** : Fat B**** you look fatter!
Vodka : This sweater is half-stitched.
Harry : Was I in Bharti when these imaginary comments were made?
Zizou : The sweater is wearing me to ward off the cold!!!!!!!!!
Housie : I also want one! Wait, no I don’t. Well maybe I do. Then again I really don’t need it.
Bhasin : Statistically speaking, an Orange color would have generated more hits (votes).. but don't worry I can swing it for you :D
Prakii : Why am I the last one in this hypothetical list?? @#$@#%!!!

POST Zero

To all those wondering why "0"                                             ‎

a.      I can delete this post if it sucks.

b.      It seeks attention.

c.      It's befitting since India supposedly gave the world the concept.

 The first month of the first job. After having braved the horrendous Mumbai traffic for fifteen days, I was granted the comfort of the comparatively smoother one of New Delhi. There were six of us, sent to the Capital for "on the field" induction into the company's culture and inducted we were! Courtesy Mr. D­-, who bears a striking resemblance to the laughing Buddha: a glabrous dome, generous paunch and a look of immense satisfaction on his visage. Being the safety officer, he sends us to inspect the facility for fire protection devices along with one of his lackeys. When we return after spending 2 hours doing so in the sweltering Delhi heat, Mr D- says, between mouthfuls of pakodas and sips of his chai*, "Arre! Itni jaldi kaise aa gaye?" One of my colleagues bravely ventures a reply: "We have seen all the measures thoroughly." This seems to intrigue Mr D-, as he wipes his hand on a paper napkin and with a wry smile asks some extraordinarily weird but apparently relevant question which I still don’t know the answer to. Nervous and clueless as to what our next step should be, we remain silent as misfortune struck. Not on us though, but the “lackey” who was supposed to show us around. We hastily escape his office to the safety of the canteen which was to be one of our safe-houses for the remainder of the tour, the other being the conference room*.

A few days later, while we’re reporting to our in-charge, Mr D- comes around and starts illustrating about a certain protection device introduced during the FIFA World Cup in South Africa that supposedly clutches the causative instrument and renders it “inadequate”. We are in a fix: whether to laugh and be labelled as lewd youngsters or keep straight faces and make Mr D- think he’s not funny. At that moment we learn one of the most important rules* for surviving in such a firm: The boss is always right. So we duplicate the expression of our in-charge and make a mental note to always abide by that rule.

P.S.:

1.      It is always “chai”, not the British rip-off “tea” which according to Merriam-Webster is also slang for marijuana these days.

2.      The conference room hosted some of the best pen-fight matches the world has never seen, although I’m told a video has found its way on to Facebook.

3.      There’s also a second rule which states: When in doubt, refer the first rule.